Project Braid is over.
It's not going to happen anymore.

I'm sorry to all volunteers.

I'm sorry to myself.

I went to Chen Su Lan Methodist Home yesterday.
I got lost. AGAIN.
I got Theresa and Hazel lost as well.
We left school at 1:40PM, and only reached CSLMH at 3:00+PM.
We were s'posed to stop 4 stops after AMK MRT.
... I trusted the Bus uncle and went all the way to 11 stops.
Walked like shit, god, i suck.
Called Hannah gazillion times.
She had us looking for a god-forsaken UNDERPASS. T_T
WE WERE SO HAPPY WHEN WE FOUND IT.

After that, i wasn't too happy.

My feet were aching.
New blisters sprouted. T_T
I was thirsty.

And i felt like dying when Nancy rambled on and on about next year.
... God, it took me awhile to understand when she said "December is out of the question."

... Then out of all my emails, out of all my calls and sms-es... why chouldnt she have told me months and MONTHS before?
... I reviewed all the emails.

... She confirmed the dates.
... She confirmed the time.


Was i wrong to assume it's going to work out?

All the proposals sent.
All the schedules.
... Not once, not once did she say "I'm sorry it's not going to work".
Never did she ask "Can we push to another date?"

No, she confirmed the dates and time.
So where did it go wrong?

I can't believe she mistook YISHUN JUNIOR COLLEGE for YISHUN ITE.
They're different, obviously.
... I can't understand where i went wrong to make her misunderstand.
I signed out with "YJC INTERACT CLUB", and my initial titles were "YJC Interact club's Project Braid".

Where did i go wrong?
Should i have spelt out J U N I O R C O L L E G E in full?
What could i have done differently?
What could i have done to have a different outcome?

I don't understand.
I have been pursuing this programme for the entire year now.
From the first few interact meetings when Ming Yan,Ernest and I brainstormed on this...
From the moment i received the email from CSLMH on their interest.
From the many months before this.
... And now, this.

I'm sorry.

I'm doomed to fail.
I can never organise anything.
I can never get anything to work out.
I know that its not easy, but such disappointment is really beyond me.
I can't do it.

Smell the air.
It's the stench of failure.

Let me share something stupid:
I get muscle aches from doing nothing.
I would understand if its my legs that are hurting, but nope. My arms bear the pain.
... I dont think i flapped my arms, for balance, enough to attain such sharp jolts.

T_T Seriously.
I can't even remember sleeping in a painful position.
I don't think i pulled anything.

): Up till now, i still can't get a network connection for the phone.
Why why why, -Sighs-.
Previously, i could still get SOMETHING, one, two bars of networking.
Now, NOTHING FOR HOURS!
I wouldnt be complaining if i don't have work to do on it... ):

To do:

1. Message Nancy on timing
2. Message Miss Mard on timing and venue with explanation for timing.
   
3. Message Kenneth on timing and venue
4. Message Kerry on Choir's participation
   
5. Message Chu Ping on Meryl's book
6. Message Theresa asking for assistance for today's visit
7. Message Hazel for assistance as well

Ling Kwang Home hasnt e-mailed me back yet.
... And if they called, i wouldnt have been able to receive it.
... If they call Nadzirah, they won't receive anything either. T_T She's in OCIP.
E-MAIL ME, PLEASE!

Should i call?
Should i e-mail again as a prompt?
Would i be pestering them? T_T
I always have this feeling i'm bothering people whenever i e-mail.

Like when i message or e-mail Mr Chong.
Seriously.
... He doesn't reply all my e-mails!
AND ALL ARE IMPORTANT AND REQUIRE ANSWERS!
Like the one on CCA details for the Yearbook.
... I wrote it so explicitly, with so many question marks.
And i'm sure they're reasonable questions, 'cause even Ming Yan doesn't know the answers.
-Sighs-

I have requested for Rudhra and Theresa to do the write-ups.
Actually, i wanted to do the write-up...
But i guess i was a little bummed out and just felt like cursing the world, i asked Rudhra to do it.
I s'pose everyone likes an opportunity to write something that's about to be published in masses.

Now, i have to pick photos, and complete the template.
... And to complete the template, my questions need to be answered.

I hope Miss Mard is a lot more helpful than Mr Chong.

I'm very grateful for the Proposal Template he sent me.
... But i would have been even more grateful if it were sent EARLIER, during the "push-off" stage.
But... i s'pose i shouldve been less stupid and use the notes from the Young Changemakers' Conference.
T_T I shall remember the next time i organise anything.

... I hope it's not very soon.

I feel very busy.
Without completing anything, i'm headed for failure.
BAD ATTITUDE!

SUCCESS!
COMPLETION JUST AROUND THE CORNER!
JUST GET 24 MORE VOLUNTEERS!
JUST GET THE PRIZES, STRINGS, LOUD-HAILER, MARKERS AND MASKING TAPE!
JUST COMPLETE THE PBRAID BOOKLET!
JUST TRAIN UP THE VOLUNTEERS!

And you're done.

I managed to get hold of Nancy.
Good news: She wants Interact Club to do tuition for the kids next year.
Good news: She wants to meet us.
Bad news: We might not have enough people.
Bad news: My effed up phone's effed up connection is driving me nuts.

I should have gathered volunteers earlier. ):
My incompetence has led me to such a plight.

I begged my mom to let me off from Penang.
She said i promised my aunt.
She said no.

): I don't have enough time.

Today, Huda asked, if i had 3 wishes, what they would  be.
My answer was..

1. To die and go to heaven
2. ... I forgot my second wish
3. Stalk jellyfishes

Fatin recommended Marine Biologist.

I'd like to live near the ocean though.
Ever since dad came back from Cape Town with those amazing pictures...

I'm still disappointed due to the change of plans.
I could have been there, in Cape Town, enjoying the sea gulls and penguins.
I would have been able to stroll down the streets taking amazing pictures.
I wouldnt need to travel the border everyday to get to school.

-Sighs-
No use looking back now. HAHHA!

I'm going to Chen Su Lan Methodist Home with Miss Mardiana, Kenneth, and possibly Bhavani.
-Sighs- Called so many people today, and negative, negative, negative.
 
Even called Siong Koon out of desperation. T_T
Again with a negative, but it was great to hear her voice. (:

T_T I just realised, i have Math and Chem to do.
Im in grave grave grave compost.

I am in deep trouble.

Things to be done

1. Proposal template
2. Call Nancy (AGAIN)
3. PBraid booklet
4. Gather more volunteers

T_T Wait for the troubling part.

BY TUESDAY.

I can't explain how much much much i love it!
I WANT TO GO AGAIN! I REALLY DO!

It's an amazing amazing AMAZING experience!
(: My FIRST EVER ice skating experience!
Proud to say, i didnt fall a SINGLE time.
Heh heh heh. Guess how many times Nandhini fell~~~~!
HAHHAHA! She's super  cute lah, omg. T_T
But for a person who has never skated, nor roller blade, she makes REALLY good progress. (:
I'm so happy for her~!

And i'm really happy for myself too!
I love the feeling of the cold air just rushing at my face, inducing smiles.
It's an exhilarating and satisfying feeling, it really is. <3
I love it. (:
I love it when i gain good speed and maneuver around the other skaters!
 
Sarah was great too~!
So composed.
I kept trying to get close to her and skate right beside her, but faltered a LOT.
T_T Scared to crash into her.
I dont have perfect control of my feet yet, i s'pose!
And there were a few times i ALMOST fell, but thank god i didnt.
T_T I shrieked though.
I love the ice after it underwent 1/2  hour of "smoothing"!
But after awhile, 'cause there were many skaters, the cuts in the ice makes it hard to skate properly.
So if you dont make a point to slice through the ice, you follow the course of the thousand cuts made by other skaters.
Very wobbly. T_T

And i can't brake glamorously just yet. T_T
I tend to slam right into the side of the rink to stop completely, from substantial speed.
The figure skaters were super super super cool!!
They were doing twists and loops and jawdroppingly amazing stunts.
Worthy of admiration.

The next time i go, i wanna try skating backwards.
I think i'll fall. T_T

(: I miss Nandhini and Sarah!
They were great great great~!
Next time PLEASE?

I wanna drag Pei Wen, Ming Yan, Yun Qin and Ken too. 'D
Too bad Aisha and Bruno couldnt make it today...

<3 -Sighs-
I love ice skating.
-Sighs-
I want to go tomorrow, and the day after, and every day from now on.
But it's so expensive!
2 hours - $16.50
Your own socks and gloves.

): And i dont think i have time. -Sighs-

Maybe on special days? (:


//Continuation- 7:35PM//

I'd like to think one more person besides the two great girls.
NASIR! THANK YOU!

Without that fella, i wouldnt have been able to convince my mom i went to the Science Centre. T_T
Thank you for being my partner-in-crime.

My mom doesnt know i went to the ice skating rink.
I asked for her permission and received a negative.
T_T She will only issue a "YES" if i agree to go to the Body World Exhibition.
I'm guilty for defying her orders, but i dont regret sneaking, and going ice-skating.
Is that wrong?

And i ditched the SG outing. T_T
I'm sorry guys.
If i were to meet those two in the morning, and rush off for the gathering and stay for 1/2 hour, my meet with them's not worth it.
And i have a curfew to adhere to. T_T
I hope you guys have fun. (:

-Sighs-
And i tried calling Nancy from CSLMH today, to no avail. T_T

Oh. And we're going to the Penang trip to visit a physician as well.
To treat my aunt's cancer.

I need to complete preparations for PB by Friday next week.

My eyes hurt when i try to relax them.
And my brain keeps running; hurting.
-Sighs-

You know, i think i have a reallly soft spot for people who beg and desperately need help.
T_T As long as it's not beyond my ability (yet) and is possible, i have a high tendency to cave in.
T_T And end up regretting it slightly.

... Then again, that's why i'm in Interact Club right? T_T
"Service before self." LOL
I'm going to die servicing others' lives. ... Or die TRYING to, but failing.

-Sighs-
My entire holiday's booked, shit.
WE HAVE SO LITTLE TIME!!

T_T Ming Yan and i made a deal.
We're g'na compete on 2 tests.
1. Mrs K's Math Test (The one comprising of all topics. The one i'll die preparing for.)
2. Inorganic Chem Test (The one i will suck in.)
How am i s'posed to beat Ming Yan if i don't get the advantage?!

The catch: MERCI CHOCOLATES!
I don't know why, but it's always MERCI chocs that we offer as prizes.
And... is it not like a DOUBLE PENALTY?
Not only do you feel the trauma once you've lost, your pocket will feel the pinch as well.

T_T I'm going to win that box of chocs.

25 Nov - Basic Japanese lessons
26 Nov - Basic Japanese lessons
27 Nov to 2nd Dec - Penang.
3rd Dec - PB
4th Dec - Possible meeting (CVD)
5th Dec - Possible meeting (CVD)
6th Dec -
7th Dec - <<?>>
8th Dec -
9th Dec - Prep
10th Dec to 18th Dec - Ja...

I don't wanna go Penang. T_T

A teacher, Miss Kwok (i think), asked me to be in the planning committee for CVD. T_T
... And i said YES, i think. T_T
Should i have said no, without thinking?

-Sighs-

Yesterday was a great day.
No math. Talk about pure bliss.

Yesterday was a horrible day.
Interact proves to be a persistent headache.

Yesterday was a neutral day.
I completed...

1. The second schedule for PB
2. Gathered songs
3. Emailed Nancy from CSLMH
   
4. Plan for I/C's booth for Open House
5. Emailed Ling Kwang Home

Left to do...

1. Decide on prizes
2. Request for funding
3. Gather people - Choreographing
   
4. Do up a check list.
5. To-do list
6. Search for origin and meaning behind bands
7. Inquire on PRebuild
   
8. Inquire on I/C shirt

Yesterday was an okay day.
Had a short briefing on the trip to Japan by Mr Wong.

I don't feel it; the very much expected excitement.
T_T We're g'na wear blazers and skirts in 5-degree weather.
With useless stockings.

Calling for people who're free on the 2nd and 3rd December.
Willing to teach children how to make friendship bands on the first day.
Willing to teach children fun songs with simple dance steps on the second day.

Benefits:
6 hours (9AM to 12PM on both days) + 2 hours (Prep) of CIP hours

Interested?
E-mail me your...

1. Name
2. Class (SG)
3. Gender
4. Contact No.

T_T I need people.

Any inquiries, feel free to ask!
I'll send you the schedule, the songs and the instructions to making the friendship bands if you're interested!

T_T Shit.
Slept all the way, omg.
T_T No work done.

I watched it!
In the library and on the way back home. (:

I love it.
The songs in it are amazing.
Love the soundtrack.
The guy's jawdroppingly gorgeous.
He just induces smiles with his smiles, seriously.

I think i prefer these type of movies to action-packed, world-ending ones. T_T
A lot more meaning, a lot more... substance; take-aways.
And did i mention the guy's cute? T_T
-Sighs-

I understand Summer, i really do.
And she picked the right person.

It's a great movie if you don't mind the lulls and dulls, knowing it's purposeful.

And don't believe the guy with the deep voice doing the narration.
He's lying. T_T

Today.
Ate at Pasta Mania.
Added too much Tabasco sauce to my spaghetti.
Turned out horrible.
Had a great time with Ming Yan and Yun Qin!

I got angry again today.
T_T The guy at the petrol kiosk was annoying.
I don't get what's his problem.
I frowned so hard at him till i got a headache.
He was asking whether he could wash the windscreen.
... There're about 8 over cars around, go ask someone who's not pissed at the damn pump.
T_T And that fella is creepy.
I dont like the way he looks at me.

Oh yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LIMIN!
T_T I still find it pretty mean that the class sang a fake birthday song for my fake birthday.
It's HER special day. Give HER a good birthday well-wish at least.
-Sighs-
I know the class' joking, but... oh well.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIMIN! (:
Youre finally 17.

-Sighs-
Long day tomorrow. ):

(: Ive got a  great mom huh?
The first thing she asked when i entered the car.
Turns out, i  didnt need Ming Yan's sound effects to convince my mom i retained.
She had really high expectations for me.

I got promoted.
I passed everything.

But i'm not sure my results are reflective of my ability.
Maybe i should enter poly while i still can.
I've regretted for the entire year now.
Should i continue with it?

(: I love my GP percentile!
Not to brag or anything, but 99.4 is just WOW.
It's the only thing i beat Ming Yan in. LOL!

Ming Yan and Yun Qin did AMAZING!
I'm so happy for them and their result slip looks REALLY GOOD! (:
I'm so so so glad for you guys, i can smile like nuts for you! (:
May you continue with such INCREDIBLE performance!

Oh yes.
My dream came true! A for Bio!
My dreams are coming true. JAPAN, HERE I COME!
And we're all in ESP together. (:

Anyway, ran in the rain with the Ming Yan, Yun Qin, Pei Wen, Cassie, Kai Yee, Tweety and Zihao just now!
It's been so long, so long, since i've been caught in a rather heavy rain.
Drenched like nobody's business and entered North Point for lunch. 'D
Thank for today, guys!
T_T And it's the cause of my awful headache, i think.
I might get a fever, hopefully.

-Sighs-
Thank god for today.
Thank god, really.

I need to sleep.
Can't believe i got muscle ache from oversleeping.

The next movie to watch!
Sis has it already! (:
Perfume.
I like the poster!
It's so intriguing and... well, nice.
Aesthetically pleasing.
Though i'm not sure the movie will be as lovely as the poster.

Watching later!
I have math to do.
I've done the FIRST question!
It's an achievement, i would say.
A startlingly blooming achievement.

A million claps for me, for i have killed brain cells over pushing buttons on my GC to get the graphs.
Rocket science, really. T_T

I need to get a grip.
Oversleeping is a habitual and mental problem, according to my research.

I shall not sleep tonight in an attempt to die tomorrow.

... I don't even think my brain allows me to do that.
As in NOT sleep.

I realised something today.
Gardening is not for me.

I hate gardening now.
I hate gardening when i dont want to garden.
I don't have effing green fingers.

Dont make me garden when i'm mad at the world.

Tsk.
I hate soil.

And i hate my father now.
I hate what he's become; a TYPICAL MALE.
Some bullshit attitude, threatening like he knows what's going on.
He's exactly the kind of male i prefer to be overseas, away from the rest of the family most of the time.
But too bad, he's not.

Men, they all become typical, no matter how different they may be at first.
Think you can change them?
HAHAHAHHA! Dream on.
Youre merely imposing an illusion upon yourself.

That man brought upon the family our demise.
That man is what i despise.

I dreamt of getting an A for Bio. T_T

Oh my god. T_T
How can my brain do something like that?!

It's impossible for me.
It's incredulous beyond belief.
It's beyond the realm of my imagination!

Garnering expectations over such a sensitive and BLASPHEMOUS issue!
I cannot. I cannot, cannot, CANNOT do such a thing to myself.

My brain has just entered SUICIDE mode, i s'pose.
Maybe PANIC over tomorrow's release.
Preparing for DISAPPOINTMENT, is a possibility as well.

-Sighs- Don't do this, brain.
Can't you give me the typically horrendous results in my dreams?
Like fail everything?
Or get a D for GP?
Or U for Chem?
Those results are far far far more acceptable for dreams before the big day.

A for Bio?!
You have got to be kidding me.
That kind of result is ridiculous, RIDICULOUS.
T_T For me at least.
I cannot get an A in REALITY.
Please, please, please, don't make me dream of such horrible things.

-Sighs-
Why does he have to do something like this to me?
TO ME!
-Sighs-

Anyway, i slept REALLY early yesterday, despite having slacked through the entire day.
I don't know how i did it.
T_T I wasn't physically tired, i really wasn't.
Mentally, maybe?
But watching videos all day, and sleeping in the afternoon for 3 hours, doesn't exactly entitle me to an early night.
Didn't do any housework yesterday either, 'cause my Cinderella sister wanted to do all as a form of exercise.
T_T And I slept earlier than her.

What does this say about me?
I'm a lazy, lazy, LAZY thing.
And i can sleep without having a need to rest. T_T
-Sighs-

Tomorrow:
Another day to scrape through.
May we all survive.

-Sighs-
I'm troubled.
Extremely troubled.

I can't get past watching videos.
Can't get past being lazy, and hungry.
): I want to eat Swenson's Apple Crumble Pie.

-Sighs-
I spent today, wasted, on the bed, with my baby no. 2.
My phone's down, with no connectivity.
Still haven't replied Bruno.
Technology really hasn't done me any good today.
It hasn't for the past few weeks, i believe.
Other than allowing me to enjoy myself, and slamming guilt into my face.
... Not that it has made it an obligation to study...
YET, hopefully.

): Monday's the release of Promo results.
May i not die in dismay.
May i not be disappointed.

.. Then again, there's no disappointment without expectations, right?

What am i expecting?
A trip to Japan.

... It's a dangerous thing to wish for.
-Sighs-

): I haven't popped the question for Saturday.
When should i do it?
I really want to go.
Am i getting too used to going out with friends?
... Am i revering the lifestyle of a typically free teenager?
Do i deserve that Saturday to be out with my old and new friends?
... Should i work hard and earn that Saturday?

-Sighs-
I'm troubled.

Then again, you call THIS troubled? HAHAHAH!
I'm too spoilt, my goodness!
Selfish, idiotic and lazy pig.
I have everything here.
Food, education, books, paper, pencil, volley ball, vacuum cleaner, babies 1 & 2, bed, chopsticks, yada yada.
And i'm COMPLAINING?
I'm actually repelling my opportunity to pursue education?
Wasting my time away CHUCK-ing?
Letting my measly brain rot until it's nothing but MUSH?
I've got no one but myself to blame!

T_T -Sighs-
I really am troubled.

...Again

Again, again.
Sleeping super early, and waking up at weird timings.
I don't know what makes me so tired, but it might just be school. It just might.

Or it might be addiction to sleep.

I'm watching New Heart, a Korean medical drama.
LOL! It's pretty hilarious! HAHAH!
The guy stuck a tube into this guy who had blood leaking into his thoracic cavity.
The guy's a used-to-be well-known surgeon who got kicked out of Seoul hospital into some dumpsite where they expect him to retire.
And the guy's patients all want to leave for Seoul hospitals... and stuff happened. T_T
Its pretty draggy if i were to explain. T_T I'm not a very good storyteller.

The funny part was his show of resolve.
You know when people get angry, they snatch hats off their heads and slam them onto the floor?
He didnt have a hat, see, and he had a gauze where his head wound was.
... He got into a fight with 3 drunkards when he was out fishing.

... Okay, i forgot whats so funny.

T_T The intern's quite okay-looking.
But i still prefer House.